Freddie's Corner

IRONY

I can tell what i don't know about Kenya

02-06-2019 by Freddie del Curatolo

Africa is called "Affrica" with two F's.
Kenya is called "Kenya" with the I.
Sometimes it can also be called "Chenia", even if it seems like a disease, which then takes "Chenoterapy" to heal it.
Perhaps "Chenia" is the medical name of Mal d'Affrica.
Someone also called him "Kegna" and his people "Kegnoti".
Someone called the women of Kenya "Kegnocche", which it means "cute girls".
To get the Affrica sickness you have to go to Kenya at least once.
Better if not accompanied.
In Africa there are imposing trees called "Bau Bau" but they don't bark.
What all over the world are sisal fields, in Africa are pineapple fields.
In Kenya they sell you tropical fruit on the side of the roads and it is incredible because we are not in the Tropics but in the Equator.
In Kenya it is never cold and there is always the sun, except when it rains.
As soon as you arrive in Kenya everyone greets you saying "Jambo" which means hello.
They use this way probably because tourists arrive by plane.
Who knows how they greet those who arrive by ship.
The unadvanced Kenyans in Italy only know the city of Bari and every tourist who arrives in their country is asked how to be "A Bari".
The capital of Kenya with the I was historically Malindi, but now seems to have been moved to Watamu.
In Kenya almost everyone speaks Italian and even those who do not speak it, understand it all too well.
There is also another city quite far away where they say the Kenyans are rich, but you should see them: it's called Nairobi.

Italians in Kenya are called Muzzungu, which means "mozzarella". Once I heard a Frenchman call "muzzungu", it probably means "camembert".
Kenya wouldn't be Kenya (or vice versa) if it didn't have mud huts, dirt roads, half-naked children smiling, dignified elderly people having their selves taken with you.
Every time they build a concrete house in Kenya, a little poetry dies.
Kenyans are good people, but they were also born to fool Italians.
Who knows why Italians come to Kenya, even though they know that they are specialized in fooling us. With the English, the Americans, the Germans, they don't behave like that.
Kegnoti and kegnocche are also very good at making you fall in love, you may think that they have a second purpose but in reality is the first. The end.
Kenya is a very expensive country.
In Kenya, a litre of extra virgin olive oil costs 15 euros.
In Kenya, half a kilo of De Cecco pasta costs 3 euros, while the discount pasta costs 2 euros.
In Kenya there are also local restaurants where you can eat with 2 euros, meat, rice, vegetables and more, but if you are lucky you can die, otherwise you get infections and diarrhea.
Kenya is the most corrupt country in the world. If in Kenya you drive your car while you talk with your mobile phone in your ear, the traffic police will stop you and instead of paying you a fine of 50 euros they will ask you for 5 euros and let you go. In reality, they oblige you to give them the bribe with the story that by law you should go to court and lose a lot of time and then eventually pay the fine anyway.
In Kenya he says that they want to eliminate corruption but they don't make it.
It would be better to legalize it, with precise rules and minimum rates of which everyone is aware (this is my personal idea).
Kenya is full of endangered animals, so it's better to take a safari to say you've seen them live. The number one rule for a safari in Kenya is to try to save as much as possible, so the goal is to see the animals, especially those in danger of extinction.
In Kenya you can only arrive by plane but it costs a lot of money. It is much cheaper to go to the Red Sea or Tunisia and you do not understand why. Moreover, the Red Sea and Tunisia are much closer together.
In Kenya it is better not to do anything. If you want to work, you have to pay. Then maybe if you're good, you earn money. It's an absurd thing!
Much better our system, that first you pretend to earn, then you get back at least sixty percent of taxes. The important thing is to be able to make so much black.
In Kenya black is clearly better done by a Kenyan.
To know Kenya it is enough to have a friend (or friend) who has already been on holiday in Kenya.
The condition to trust, however, is that he has left the resort at least once.
The important thing is not to trust too much those who live there, in Kenya. They are people who claim to already know everything about this place and become arrogant if you have different opinions.
For example, almost all Italians who have lived in Kenya for many years are racists.
The others are waiting to become racists.

TAGS: luoghi comuni kenyasatira kenyafreddie kenya

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