09-10-2022 by Freddie del Curatolo
Are you fed up with taxes, stress, politics and malfeasance in Italy?
It's time to emigrate elsewhere!
At last, a serious column that explains how to move, live and work happily in Malindi and generally on the Kenyan coast where, lo and behold... you will find many other Italians who over the years have had the same brilliant thought!!!
Let's start with some Sunday 'tips'!
OPEN A COMPANY
When you arrive on the shores of the Indian Ocean for the first time, on holiday, you will envy your compatriots who enjoy the sun and sea all year round, fresh fish and shellfish, exotic fruit, exotic massages and red sunsets with photos of which infect social pages and uozzappiche.
Oh, how you would love to live like them, far away from the stress of the Western World, from the obsessive work rhythms and in full harmony with the locals!
Now, if you want to start a new business, the same or different from your previous one in Europe, you have two options: work on your own or get hired by someone.
In the first case you will have to open a company.
You will be in the album (as many say) of Kenyan investors and this will give you lustre and popularity in the eyes of the natives, and a few (tolla, mainly) figurines.
Moreover, by giving very cheap salaries to your employees, you will in fact be supporting many families, far from long-distance adoptions and social campaigns!
You, benefactors!
You, active solidarity workers!
There is much to boast about, or to laugh about with friends!
You deposit a considerable amount of money in the bank (from a minimum of one hundred thousand euros to a maximum of six million, strictly off the books) and start the paperwork for setting up the company and for your work permit as an entrepreneur.
Some people have to live a lifetime in Brianza to 'make it on their own', while you will 'make it' in no time in Africa!
First, make sure you find a Kenyan (better a girl, for the boys) to whom you will register part of the shares, appointing him as director, so as to facilitate the authorisation of licences.
Then look for one of the many Italians who have been resident in Malindi for a long time, who will enter into partnership, perhaps without putting up any cash but contributing with his work, knowledge, business contacts, and expertise in the customs, language, and palate of the indigenous people.
There are some so trustworthy that in today's Italy they would no longer have any reason to live, and they are here to guarantee you seriousness, honesty and professionalism tattattà tarattà.
Avoid setting up companies with more than ten shareholders, choose your partners according to the following criteria:
a. That they have the same command of Italian and Kiswahili
b. That they do not pay too much attention to the rumours of their resident compatriots about them
c. That they are decent players of scopa d'assi or scopone scientifico
d. That they do not err on the side of racism (make sure they hang around with local girls or boys, for example)
e. That they are bankrupt or have closed malicious businesses at least once (it is from mistakes that one learns)
The ideal partner meets all five requirements.
If he is still around, you will have no trouble finding him, he will come to you like a scolex to your clean towel.
Obviously the company-partner must also be a close friend, so prove his good faith and honesty by lending him that hundred thousand shillings he asked you for to pay off some past debts caused by the misdeeds of a previous associate.
And there you are, after paying the right toll to the local bureaucracy and waiting those extra five to six months that accrue to those who do not go directly to the institutions in Nairobi, you can finally open a business that there was absolutely no need for on the Kenyan coast!!!
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